Saturday, April 9, 2011

30 Days Sober- Brushing the Dust Off My Shoulders

It has been a long 2011, at least for me. I have been very hesitant about writing on this blog becasue I don't know where to draw the line sometimes with what I share. I also don't really understand the whole internet and anonomity thing...
So the result is that I have not posted anything...
I hope to begin to change that with this post.

I picked up my 30 day chip at my home group tonight. It was very exciting. I

n such a short time these people who were strangers to me have become some of my closest friends. It is the strangest thing that I don't fully understand, but these people "get me." I can't find the words to explain it... I fear this will be the problem when writing about soberiety; I fear I won't be able to find the words to describe what I am going through.  I guess I should just pray about that. That my higher power find the words for me.
Good Idea
I have made some good changes in the past 30 days, nothing that I could have done overnight, but working at it each day I have been able to accomplish a few things.

 I am trying to do the recommended 90 meetings in 90 days, however finding this very difficult. I try to make it to a meeting everyday, but everytime I start getting stressed about the 90 in 90 I find that I miss a meeting. When I stop looking at it as a one day at a time program, I get overwhelmed and I recoil. Naturally, subconciously and unwillingly.

I have also gotten into service work with my home group. I am the official Saturday night cigarette butt picker-upper. I know it is such a small position, but it makes me feel a sense of responsibility to get to that meeting. My disease tries to talk me out of going to this meeting all day, and this is one defense I have on this one day a week. I have to go, if I am not there, the church we hold the meeting at might get mad because there were lots of butts left and we could loose the meeting space. So I go, every week. It helps, oddly enough.

Finally, I have a sponsor I call everyday, who I am working the steps with. AND my phone is full of phone numbers of people that I text and call throughout the days. I can usually get another person in recovery on the phone within 1 min, 24 hours a day. That is such a blessing today.

In conclusion, I hope to add more to this blog and speak more freely as I figure out how to do this blog about recovery thing.
Thanks for reading and stay tuned as God writes my story...

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Attraction Rather Than Promotion

Yesterday I wanted to drink, I wanted to drink more than I have yet! I prayed and realized it was lunch time and decided to walk with my son up to a drive in near our house.

I packed up my son, grabbed my small version of Alcoholics Anonymous Big book, cash and we were off.

The walk did wonders for my mood, by the time we were getting set at our lunch table, the desire for a drink had vanished. I began to notice a very scattered petite waitress running around the restaurant. Unfortunately, it was quickly clear that this woman was suffering the symptoms of addiction. She couldn't fully open her eyes, write legibly on the order pad, or handle what appeared to be an empty restaurant.

When she finally made her way to my table, she confirmed all my suspicions.  Then when she asked my son if she could borrow a diaper cause she had to pee, I knew.

I was blown away, God had totally taken me out of me. I was now racking my brain at how I could be helpful to this woman. Since she was the only waitress here, I knew she would be cleaning up our table. I thought about leaving her a note with my phone number, but decided that just leaving my small version of the BB of Alcoholics Anonymous would be a better idea.

I wrote on the inside cover, "this program can work for anyone, even me."

I walked away from the restaurant feeling wonderful. I have no idea where that woman's life will take her, but on February 23, 2011 my higher power brought her to me. I am sure he will guide her from here!

Wednesday, February 23, 2011


I found this neat website tonight that allows you to tweet about different dates. It is really cool, you can automate your milestones to post at different time intervals. 

I set it up to tweet, "I haven't had a drink in ## days." every 10 days. 

Gotta Start Somewhere...

I don't know what I want to write. I don't know why I really started this blog. I have no idea what to do now that I am not drinking or using. I am so bored... I literally feel insane. My mind is a snarled ball of snakes. I can't keep my train of thought longer than 30 seconds. I skip around from topic to topic or task to task. I think I have started writing  10 different blog posts today. I have yet to finish a single one.

BUT, it is all ok because I didn't take a drink today. No matter what happens, as long as I can say that I didn't drink today, it was a good day.

That really is as simple as it gets in early sobriety. My brain can't handle anything else.  It really takes everything I have not to give in and go get beer. Everything in my body is screaming out for alcohol or something to take the edge off.

But I don't really want to just "take the edge off," I want to not feel. I want be completely, out of my skull fucked up. And that is the God's honest truth. Right now, in this moment... I would give almost anything to not feel everything.

Welcome To My Journey of Recovery

Hi. I am just one of the many people with the disease of alcoholism and addiction. I have been trying to get sober for about 3 years now. I have 12 days today. This will be my recovery journal. I am using this blog as a recovery tool, I have no idea what it will become. I hope something good. It isn't in my hands, so we shall see.