It has been a long 2011, at least for me. I have been very hesitant about writing on this blog becasue I don't know where to draw the line sometimes with what I share. I also don't really understand the whole internet and anonomity thing...
So the result is that I have not posted anything...
I hope to begin to change that with this post.
I picked up my 30 day chip at my home group tonight. It was very exciting. I
n such a short time these people who were strangers to me have become some of my closest friends. It is the strangest thing that I don't fully understand, but these people "get me." I can't find the words to explain it... I fear this will be the problem when writing about soberiety; I fear I won't be able to find the words to describe what I am going through. I guess I should just pray about that. That my higher power find the words for me.
I have made some good changes in the past 30 days, nothing that I could have done overnight, but working at it each day I have been able to accomplish a few things.
I am trying to do the recommended 90 meetings in 90 days, however finding this very difficult. I try to make it to a meeting everyday, but everytime I start getting stressed about the 90 in 90 I find that I miss a meeting. When I stop looking at it as a one day at a time program, I get overwhelmed and I recoil. Naturally, subconciously and unwillingly.
I have also gotten into service work with my home group. I am the official Saturday night cigarette butt picker-upper. I know it is such a small position, but it makes me feel a sense of responsibility to get to that meeting. My disease tries to talk me out of going to this meeting all day, and this is one defense I have on this one day a week. I have to go, if I am not there, the church we hold the meeting at might get mad because there were lots of butts left and we could loose the meeting space. So I go, every week. It helps, oddly enough.
Finally, I have a sponsor I call everyday, who I am working the steps with. AND my phone is full of phone numbers of people that I text and call throughout the days. I can usually get another person in recovery on the phone within 1 min, 24 hours a day. That is such a blessing today.
In conclusion, I hope to add more to this blog and speak more freely as I figure out how to do this blog about recovery thing.
Thanks for reading and stay tuned as God writes my story...